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Tag: lawyers

Six Ways Politicians are Like Criminal Defense Lawyers

You know that feeling you get when something seems very familiar to you but you know it isn’t?

I got that recently when I was listening to one of the Presidential candidates wax poetic about every little detail concerning their poll numbers, on and on ad nauseam. I’m not even sure who it was (other than it wasn’t Kasich – for obvious reasons). Listening to them, I got this knot in my gut that this was somehow an intimately personal experience I had once had. But I couldn’t see how. I am a lawyer, not a politician.

There was that one time I ran for election myself. But it couldn’t be that… I am pretty sure Gallup wasn’t running any major polls to monitor the Island County Superior Court Judge job at the time.  No, it was hard enough just reminding people to remember to vote in the primary when there was basically no press coverage.

Then it hit me.

Politicians and Criminal Defense lawyers are very much alike.

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Lawyers and Truth in Advertising

Lawyers and Truth in Advertising - Seattle Criminal Lawyer Blog

“DA-AAAD!! Who would ever want to hire a lawyer who needs advertising?!?”

That’s the punch line. Now, here’s the joke: for over a decade, our little law firm had served as the primary public defenders for Island and San Juan Counties. It was tough work, riding ferries at 4 a.m. between the islands during huge winter storms, answering emergency calls in the middle of the night for months on end giving advice to alleged drunk drivers, handling giant murder cases that dragged on forever for $400 a pop, trying every major case that came along while the private guys quietly gouged their clients with exorbitant fees before pleading them guilty without first mastering their cases (my wife told me to put “J/K” after that, but I’m not.)

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Keep it Simple, Stupid

Keep it Simple, Stupid - Seattle Criminal Lawyer Blog“I’m the BEST BLOGGER EVER! Really! My blogs are so wonderful and entertaining and smart. Because  why? Because I am so smart. And SUCH a great writer! Did I mention that?!? Really really really great. Dickens Great. Shakespeare Great. Heck, even Louis L’Amour Great. So, Great! Let’s face it—  I’m Great!”

Sound demented? Try this:

“I’m the BEST LAWYER EVER! Really! I’m so great. I win so many trials it would make your head spin. If you hire me I am going to do such an amazing and brilliant job in court that people will weep. Seriously! Trust ME! People say I’m arrogant. Whatever. WHATEVER! I am what I am and they are all jealous. And stupid. Really, really stupid.”

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First Thing We Do… Let’s Appreciate All the Lawyers

Let's Appreciate All The Lawyers - Seattle Criminal Lawyer Blog

I know, right? It’s a take on an old lawyer joke.

That oughtta attract some troll traffic. But I just can’t help it. All of the online negativity in general, and that directed at lawyers specifically, is beginning to get to me. I’ll have more on the general negativity later, but for now let’s look at the lawyer stuff.

If you have followed these posts you will have noticed that I dropped out of sight for a while, since July 8th to be precise, which was when one of my last posts was buffered to hit the airwaves… precisely as my cardiac surgeon was busy cracking my chest wide open so he could stop my heart, hand my life functions off to a machine and hack away at my innards. You think I was about to make any surgeon jokes right about then? No way. My life was in his hands, literally.

Then why is it that everyone takes such glee in ridiculing, criticizing, and mocking lawyers? People put their lives in the hands of their lawyers. In reality most lawyers deserve the ridicule about as much as my excellent surgeon would have… not at all. Of course there are good lawyers and bad lawyers, just as there are good surgeons and bad surgeons… or butchers, or bakers, or candlestick makers.

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